VIGILANTE DALE HOLMES

BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, WHATCHA GONNA DO...

So I get this e-mail from Dale last week about him chasing down some guy who was breaking into people’s houses and had to put it up online for you guys to check out. If you know Dale, you’ll laugh out loud at parts of this... Here’s his e-mail, word for word, English accent and all. Enjoy.

Somewhere in the World, Dale Holmes is kicking some serious ass right now.  credit: James Ayres

A little story for you here. Today I was chilling out at my parents’ house in my bedroom when I decided I would watch an old BMX video. As I walked over to the TV I looked out the window to see my dad and a few of the neighbors talking to the man next door who was panting and trying to catch his breath. I thought, “Oh no, I think he is having a heart attack,” so I went down stairs to see if they needed help. As I rushed down my dad ran in to tell me the next door neighbor just had his house broken into and the neighbor had tried to run after the intruder, but he had gotten away. As my dad rang the police, I ran to the garage to grab my bike to try and get involved in the action. As I got in the garage I then had the task of choosing which bike would be suitable for the chase. My KHS road bike would have been good, but I didn’t have my clips on, as you don’t really wear them while watching TV. So, I turned to my Cruiser, but it didn’t have a front wheel. Damn! It would have been good as my Cruiser always comes through for me at the races. I then turned to my mountain bike; I had battled all weekend long with the likes of Carter, Lopes, Prokop, and Bootes, so a local criminal would be no problem, but it was still in my bike bag. I looked over in the corner of the garage to see the one bike that never lets me down, my 20-inch Free Agent Limo. Luckily it was all built up ready to go. I was going to the track later that day, so it was all set up for action. I even had my flat pedals on, which would help in this situation. Neal Wood and Robbie Miranda would have been proud of me. I still had my numberplate on so the locals in my village could well identify it was me pulling up the street. Sorry, no stem pad, so there was a chance to get disqualified if the chief official saw me sprinting down the street!

Anyway, I sped up and saw another neighbor chasing the guy. He told me he had tussled with the robber, but the robber had punched and bit him and had gotten away. He told me he had red hair and took a right at the top off the hill. I sprinted up the hill (even though it was not a sprinting day on my training schedule), but I felt my riding form was good and the power was very impressive without any prior warm up on my rollers! As I reached the top of the hill, I looked down the path to see a guy walking with gloves on, so I thought that had to be him. I approached the man at a slow speed as I was pretty tired and pretended I was just on a steady bike ride. He must have been tired running up the hill, because I was, and I’m an AA Pro and in great shape, so I knew he must have been hurting!

As I got level with him I glanced to see if he had red hair, not too sure, but he looked as big as me and had a black eye with a rough look, so I thought it was him and went for it. I dove off my bike and grabbed him by the neck. We tussled for awhile, but I know he was nothing compared to some of the meat heads in AA I have to tussle with most weekends, and I finally over-powered him and got him in a head lock. I’m so tough!

I was shouting at him at the same time about the robbery, but he swore it wasn’t him and that I was attacking the wrong guy! Anyway, by this time I really hoped I had gotten it right or I was going to look the idiot here. A police helicopter flew over, shortly followed by two police cars, which screeched up the street with my neighbor, who quickly identified the guy who was robbing his house and they took him off.

Anyway, feeling quite proud of myself, I returned home to give a police statement and get the hero’s welcome from the neighbors. The guy two doors up said I should have received a medal, but I told him that it was cool, as I have a house full of them already. The policeman told me the newspapers would want an interview and picture of me for the local paper. I told him, “No problem as long as I can wear my Free Agent race shirt and Smith sunglasses so I could pick up a little photo bonus from my sponsors for my morning’s work and promotion.” As my Pro buddies will tell you, our work is never over once we leave the track. Its not just about winning races; promo and selling bikes is very important too! Hahahaha!